LIVING BETTER
Ally, as a verb, means to unite or form a connection to, or partnership with, another.
As a noun, it means one that is associated with another, in a helping capacity: a person or group providing assistance or support for ongoing efforts, activities, or struggles.
The quality of being an ally is called allyship (pronounced AL-eye-ship, not Alley-ship).
“If you claim to be someone’s ally, but aren’t getting hit by the stones thrown at them, you aren’t standing close enough.”
—Stan Mitchell
Some allyship happens behind the scenes. But in places where visibility can be dangerous, including rural Texas, Mitchell’s words resonate on a deeper level. True solidarity is a shared risk. Proximity builds trust and community. And right now, community is needed more than ever.
Performance vs. Accountability
We’ve all seen companies that treat Pride Month like a ticket to increased revenues, showing surface-level support for the LGBT+ community for a few weeks out of the year, and we’ve also seen some of these companies fold under pressure, scaling back DEI programs and cancelling Pride celebrations when faced with backlash.
Representation matters.
A ribbon on your lapel might remind someone they’re not alone. And that “Black Lives Matter” poster in your lobby might offer hope to someone in a dark place.
But signs, tokens, and hashtags are just a beginning. True allyship demands more: it demands accountability.
Accountable allyship is a commitment to inclusivity and solidarity, and it prioritizes impact over intent. It means weighing your decisions, and showing up in the way that best strengthens the community you claim to love.
It means amplifying the voices of the vulnerable over your own.
It isn’t saviorism. It’s power redistribution.
Representation without power is tokenism. It’s performative. This is not allyship.
True allies will share the mic, the funding, and the decision making. They don’t use representation as a tool to gain influence, and instead, they use their influence to make diversity and inclusion a requirement.
Are They Still Hurling Stones?
The stones thrown these days are not necessarily physical.
Sometimes, the hit comes from losing some followers on social media after taking a public stance, or losing some loyal customers after calling out their bigotry.
Sometimes, it’s losing friends who are uncomfortable with your advocacy.
But what we lose through truth and integrity, we gain in humanity – something I feel the world is desperate to be reminded of.
How to Find Your Style of Allyship
Allyship might look differently for everyone, especially when considering accessibility. Luckily, there are multiple ways to show up with integrity.
Even little steps and small gestures count. Intersectional feminism reminds us that we all have different vulnerabilities and privileges; you can be an ally and still need allies yourself. But no matter what, showing up for others is always worth it.
What role can you play?
Start by mapping out potential support roles already in your network. What’s missing where you are, and what are your strengths? How can you contribute?
Start small and choose one or two roles you can realistically sustain without burning yourself out. Remember, you can’t help others if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
At the end of the day, allyship isn’t a title we can give ourselves. It’s earned through consistent, meaningful actions.
It’s not a pin you wear to show you care — it’s showing up when it matters most, and centering others while we’re there.
And allies aren’t expected to be perfect, but they are expected to try.
This week, choose one stone you’ll risk catching. And make sure you’re standing close enough to feel it.
Allyship is the ongoing, active commitment of a person from a privileged group to support and advocate for a marginalized group, using their influence to promote equity and justice. It involves educating oneself, listening to and believing the experiences of marginalized individuals, and taking action to challenge injustice and dismantle systemic barriers, rather than simply expressing passive agreement or focusing on personal gain.
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Chrysanthemum Crenshaw Cohen covers a wide variety of topics for The Concho Observer, and has an extensive background working to improve social services and animal welfare.
She is a trained advocate who supports survivors of sexual violence, serves on local boards, and acts as a bridge between animal welfare and human social services.
